In a long-standing annual fixture against the UK Armed Forces, the MCC players proved to be too consistent and showed superior levels of fitness on humid courts. The conditions were balmy as thunderstorm clouds circled Lords like sharks circling their prey; but the only prey being served up at the prestigious venue on 10th May 23 were soldiers, sailors and airmen.
A senior MCC source Nick Brown, 53, noted that ‘none of the matches were easy’; the MCC No.4 dismissed the ‘up-and-coming’ Rich Green 3-1 by demonstrating exceptional levels of stamina that proved too hot to handle. MCC No.3, Joe de la Soul, 28, observed that his match was played in ‘a superb spirit and there were dozens of closely contested rallies’; Joe beat 30 year-old Craig Stephens 3-1 having been faced with Craig’s sublime cross-court volley nick attempts and canny straight-arm deception.
Tragically, Journeyman and England International Joss Hargrave, 49, was unavailable; however the more Senior co-Captain, Mike ‘Tropic Thunder’ Pittams, 40, proved his leadership and administrative credentials both on and off the court. At No. 1 Mike defied sartorial critics by proving that squash shorts and swimwear need not be different items of clothing; wearing his trademark headband he beat UKAF No.1, veteran Paul Jones 3-0 in a close match that belied the score line. Paul departed immediately for a prior engagement with his ‘friend’, the Chief of General Staff.
Dr Lucy Lamb, 39, stepped away from the operating theatre to grace the hallowed courts for the first time, dropping and volleying well but losing 3-0 to U25 hopeful, Steve Illingworth before departing to be on call. Royal Marine Chris Hobley, 42, enjoyed his first outing at Lords and despite being a new father who hadn’t slept much in the past 5 weeks his technique looked impeccable – his opponent, Ali Robertson, 31, noted that ‘if Roger Federer played squash, his backhand may look similar’; despite such wild speculation Ali’s power and speed were too much for the graceful and elegant Hobley. At No.2, the RAF’s top player Oscar Hill, 38, put up a fight in almost all rallies, but Rufus Hawking, 21, had an economical yet powerful swing that perplexed Oscar to the point of sheer bewilderment.
The final match score was 18-4 in favour of the MCC (which sounds slightly better than 6-0). Afterwards, cool beers were enjoyed in ‘The Tavern’, alongside the Army cricketers who managed win the 20/20 cricket.
The MCC/UKAF match remains the prized squash fixture on the UKAF calendar. Lords is without doubt one of the best venues in the World to play sport, it is always a pleasure to be hosted by the MCC and there are almost always really competitive games – the UKAF will aim to compete more closely next time.
The match report author remains unknown.